Why he left
by Just040Fun
Summary: How Edward realized that human beings could be much lower than the bears or elks his vegetarian family used to hunt.How much it hurt him to leave the ones he cared the most, but who did not deserve to be close to a tainted mind like his.
1. Leaving

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything... But I guess you've kinda realized that..._

_Please, give it a try... first time at twilight! =) Reviews are more than appreciated! Might be a one-shot but still not sure... ' could do the homecoming if anyone gets interested!_

_OBS._

_1. I'm not a native English speaker, so… Sorry if you find any mistakes!_

_2. I'm a fan of Twilight and all but it's been ages since I've read the books so the fic will be slightly AU. (aka, sorry people, don't really remember everything, I'm just doing this for fun, hope you will understand). So, please don't expect highly accurate dates, places, cars, clothes, etc, ok =)_

_3. My writing style might be a bit different since I tend to put lots of the character's emotions in the story without making it their POV and I'm trying to make the chapters not too long so forgive me if I end up being a bit messy sometimes! I just like writing that way =)_

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"No, Esme, you're wrong!"

That was the first thing Carlisle heard when he parked his brand new black Mercedes at home, between Edward's Volvo and Esme's Porsche. And he realized he did not have to have vampire hearing to think that exclamation was way too loud. He entered the house silently but he was pretty sure his vampire family would have heard him perfectly if they were not engaged in a nervous conversation themselves.

Even though conversation was quite a lame word for what was going on between them. Esme seemed too shocked to say something but apparently her mind was causing Edward enough discomfort, since in a split second he had his fist on the marble table and it cracked as if it were made of glass, knocking down one of the only three things Esme had brought with her from her mortal life: a crystal bowl that had belonged to her mother. Carlisle immediately entered the room with his vampire speed and stopped it from breaking to pieces, but Esme did not seem to acknowledge his presence nor care about the bowl. Edward, on the other hand, seemed to wake up from a trance when Carlisle reached for the bowl since he had tried to do so himself but would not have been successful given the time he had taken to remember his own strength and realize what he had done. Carlisle gave him a look full of questions but he just avoided his eyes and went back to his position in front of Esme.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't… see… that's what I meant… you are wrong…. And I am really sorry for that…" Edward said in a voice which was lower than a whisper but he knew both of them would hear that. Esme reached for his face, trying to soothe his eyes full of guilt and shame but he cringed at her touch, leaving her even more disappointed and hurt.

"Edward… we are not in the best condition to discuss this… please… just go to your room and try to relax a bit… you need it… " "and so do I…" she added as an afterthought. Edward took an unnecessary breath and lifted his head in Carlisle's direction. He seemed both confused and disappointed at Edward. No matter what might have happened between Esme and Edward he could never imagine the two creatures he loved the most in such a stressful situation. He questioned Edward once more in his head but he just lowered his eyes and brought his hands to his face.

And finally Carlisle spoke. "Ok, Edward… why don't you do as you were told? Go to your room and I will be up soon so that we can talk." Defeated, Edward could see that unlike Esme's, Carlisle's statement was not a request and he proceeded to the stairs and to his room, closing the door silently behind him and throwing himself at the always so unused bed. There were some times it would actually be useful… who could see that one coming…

Downstairs, Esme was sobbing tearlessly at Carlisle's shirt. "What happened, sweety?" Carlisle asked for what seemed like the tenth time and Esme finally seemed to be calming down when she spoke with little emotion in her voice. "I really don't think that it's my place to tell, darling… You'll have to talk to him. But don't be too hard, ok? And no, he was not disrespectful nor anything to do with me." She added the last line as an answer to Carlisle's raised eyebrows. Carlisle had put very few rules for Edward ever since becoming his creator and father, for a matter of fact. He was the one who had brought the young man to that life after all… and one of those rules was that he should be respectful not just towards himself but with anyone, and specially with Esme, since she had started living with them. And even though Edward really adored Esme, he occasionally found himself in trouble with his so called brother-in-law whenever he snapped at her overprotective nature. Carlisle would never go further than a few words lecture but the disappointed tone he used was more than enough to get Edward more than willing to apologize to Esme and to make sure she had everything she wanted for at least a month. But this time it seemed that it was not the case. Whatever Edward might have done it did not seem to be easy to fix.

"Just go, Carlisle… He's waiting for you. I'll be fine, got some work to do in the garden." She smiled weakly. Carlisle blinked and remembered that even though he had almost overlooked it with all the commotion inside the house, Esme's front garden was quite a mess, like somebody had run away from the house even without making it to the front door. She realized what he was thinking and just made her way out of his arms and looked at the stairs sadly. "Just go, ok… but please, be nice…"

Defeated, Carlisle went to the room where he could actually force some answers out. It did not matter if they were posing as brothers in law, in his mind Edward would always be his son and as a father he had the right to know what was going on in his family.

"Come in" was Edward's answer to his thoughts. Carlisle opened the door and went to sit at his son's side in the bed. Then he could see something laying at Edward's nightstand. It was today's newspaper and its heading was "girl of no more than 13 is found dead at the forest near Rochester. She seems to have been raped and killed with cruelty no more than 12 hours ago. The police have no clue of the culprit". Carlisle was a bit shaken. How much cruelty existed in the human world… Vampires, after all were not the only ones who were capable of hurting those of their own kind… but why was that newspaper all torn and smashed at his son's nightstand?... He finally looked directly at Edward's eyes. "I'm waiting kiddle. Will you please let me know what is going on?" he finally asked out loud seeing that Edward was not answering to any of his mind questions. Good time to pretend he was not a mind reader…

Edward took another unnecessary breath and swallowed hard. "I almost had… an accident today" he started not sure how he would break this news to his father. And mother… he thought afterwards… even though she did not have the slight intention of stealing Elisabeth Mason's place in Edward's heart, she would always act as a loving mother to him. And he could see in her mind that she did not act like that because of Carlisle. She did it because she truly loved Edward for himself. She didn't think it was fair for a boy of 17 not to have the care of a mother. And even though she did not expect anything in return she felt like she had to give him all the love she could in order to make up for his loss. That, the capability of loving unconditionally was the power Esme had brought with her from her human life and the one characteristic she had enhanced when becoming immortal. Now… how was he supposed to tell his loving mother and understanding father that he was going to leave them forever? That the almost accident they had today was not exactly an accident? That he was more than aware of what he was doing and that what really stopped him today was not that he felt guilty for murdering the postman who happened to be thinking about how he had raped a little girl in the previous night, but his love for Esme who defiantly said that that was not the essence Carlisle had taught him and that she would never allow him to hurt himself that way because she just knew enough of him to see that he would be regretting his actions as soon as he finished draining the man's blood, no matter how evil he was.

At that moment, Edward almost wished that his powers were the opposite. That he could show Carlisle what happened and why he was not worth living with them. But his mind was way too tainted. And even though he was pretty sure he would have to convince Carlisle of that for him to let him go… he still did not want to fully show how his intentions towards that coward postman were terrible. He would let him suffer before finishing his job, so that he could make up for the poor girl that had died at that man's cruel hands the night before.

Even though Carlisle knew exactly the meaning of the word "accident" in his family it was not enough yet. So he waited for Edward to be ready to tell the whole story. The boy took another breath and continued. "I was at the living room with Esme and I had just read the newspaper when… those thoughts came to my mind… I could actually feel the sensation of the man who did it, Carlisle… it was cruel and… I could not take it anymore… I … longed for his blood… I thought that any elk or bear I had ever fed with were much better than the mind I heard at that moment. I actually longed for more than his blood… I wanted to kill him slowly so that he would suffer… even though I was pretty sure it would not be a tenth of how much the little girl had suffered."

Whatever Carlisle had been expecting to hear it was definitely not that… Edward longing to hurt somebody in a cruel way… not for his blood but for the victim's nature as well… And then he reached for the news and understanding passed through his eyes… "This is the little girl you were talking about?" he asked and Edward nodded miserably. "Then the evil man can be no other than…" the only person who actually comes close to their house up in the forest. The one whose job makes him do so and the reason he knew the forest well enough to be sure he would not be disturbed there when performing his crime."Yes, the postman." Edward answered to his thoughts and Carlisle did not feel like Edward could provide any more details of that night. He was way too worked up.

"Ok, son… but I could see that nothing happened, so we are ok. Everything will be fine, now, please, relax a bit and we can talk more tomorrow." Edward's face twisted in a disappointed expression. No, it was NOT fine. A girl had been killed and others might if they did not stop that man. Esme might have put herself between him and the door and been able to retain him with her remaining newborn strength long enough to yell at the postman to run because she was raising a really big dog inside the house and he had broken free from his cage, but he was definitely not willing to let this one pass. It would be like killing that girl with his own hands if he did. But he knew that he could never do that and still be a part of Carlisle's vegetarian coven. He knew what his resolve meant for his family. He knew he would be signing his resign letter to Carlisle's lifestyle by going after that man. And even though he felt guilty for that… He was almost grateful that he could see a way out of vegetarianism without hurting anyone but the evildoers. That incident had showed him a use for his mind-reading power. He could choose his victims and free the world from evil at the same time he satiated his thirst for human blood…

"Edward?" Carlisle called in his mind, realizing the internal battle in his son's mind and seeing where that might lead his thoughts to. "Edward, please… Just let it go! I will do everything in my power to see that this man gets himself executed by the human law, but it is not up to us to judge his acts." There were times, not few, that Edward could swear that Carlisle was able to read minds too, at least his, for that matter.

"But there are others like him around, Carlisle! He is not the only one. Why do we have to sacrifice ourselves from feeling satisfied with our diets when they are taking care of making their own kind miserable? I can save at least some of them and have what I want at the same time!"

Carlisle seemed way too shocked to reply to that but Esme, who had been watching from the door without been noticed found her words quicker than her husband. "And so what, Edward? Would you be satisfied with a tainted blood running through your throat? A man who has raped a girl and killed her today, a man who has abused his wife tomorrow and a woman who has killed her own kids the day after that. Would that kind of blood be good for you? You can't be serious about this!"

Both Edward and Carlisle looked at Esme slightly impressed at her remarks. Even though Esme did not think it was right for a vampire to kill humans, she seemed much more worried about Edward's feeling about becoming a murderer than the lives he would be taking away. That's Esme for you… Edward thought bitterly. Her mind was screaming like there was no tomorrow for Edward to reconsider. Trying to make him see that the people he was trying to hunt and kill were not worth him tainting his own soul that way. It was really hard for him but if he wanted her to let him go, he would have to hurt her feelings and let her know how monstrous his mind was at that moment.

"Once again… you're wrong, Esme… I have no soul." With that remark, Edward reached for a bag that was under his bed. He had used the time he had between been sent to his room and talking to Carlisle to pack only a few things. He would not need much more for the underground life he was intending to live from now on. "I am really sorry, Carlisle… I did not want this to end up like this, but I have no other choice… we are way too different… " And I am not worth being treated as your family… he thought sadly but he did not voice it. If he wanted them to accept the fact that he was leaving he would have to do so by hurting their feelings enough for them not to go looking for him. And with a sigh, Edward whispered… lower than ever… the only thing he could not stop himself from giving them, a simple phrase. Less than ten simple words which would let them know he could change his lifestyle, but he could never forget how important they had been in his life. "I love you, mom and dad… thank you for everything".

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_way too bad? reviews, pls! should I do the homecoming or just leave it that way?_

_tks for reading!_


	2. Homecoming

_DISCLAIMER: Still don't own anything… =(_

_AN: SOOOORRY for taking so long to update! I'm still alive! I hope the next one is not gonna be that long! Might be quicker if I get reviews \o/_

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Homecoming

Edward stared down to the river once more. Slightly reddened sad caramel eyes stared back reluctantly at him. He sighed and submerged again inside the cold water. He knew that by standing there, inside the running water it would be almost impossible for the people in the house just a few meters away to catch his scent, even if he could listen to their thoughts almost perfectly.

It had been a few months now... Since he saw that little girl... Not one he saved, but one whose life he had destroyed... She was the daughter of his first victim: The vicious postman who had raped and killed a girl not much older than his own daughter. He had not known he had a daughter back then, of course. He only put the pieces together when the same scared eyes looked back at him in the mind of his last prey. Another vicious man he'd come across during his journey. A man who used to tie down young innocent girls to him by debt, drugs or his worst weapon: love.

The guy was pretty good-looking; he had great manners and could be considered a respectable gentleman safe from the fact that he persuaded young women to poison people after taking them to bed. It was a pretty well conducted business: Anybody who wished somebody gone for good could just drop him a line in one of his many connections in town and the job would be done smoothly during one week by the less expected means and ladies. And after doing their job, said ladies would just go out of town again to wait for their rewards. Some would do it for money, others for drugs and the worst and more efficient ones for love. For the love of a man who would just dispose of them as easily as he had taken them in, by similar ways they used to do to other people on his behalf. And that was the fate of young Isabel Esme White.

For all he could read in people's mind (his perfect memory didn't allow him to forget the first eyes he had shut since this new life began and seeing them again with the same expression of horror in that man's mind had made him obsessed about finding out her story), Isabel, as he could not refer to her with his mother's name, had been an orphan completely alone after her father died mysteriously. Without a choice, after been kicked out of her house by the landlord for not paying the rent at the age of twelve, she went to the streets and with no money for food or shelter she slept on the train station for weeks before being gently cuddled by a good-looking gentleman and taken to a train with no return ticket...

For Isabel, this man was her world. It started with gentle words, beautiful dresses, other young and stunning ladies telling her how lucky she was for been chosen by him and teaching her all these things, like table manners, how to read and write, how to dress properly, how to talk to a man, how to swallow small red pills without breaking them in her mouth and how to transfer it during what they called "the last kiss"...

'These ones are not real. When you use the real ones just make sure they never ever break in your mouth or they don't touch the target's mouth. Just slip them down their throat so that they dont even realize you did it. Small as they are they'll never feel it down. But always do it with a glass of wine in your hands and just offer it to their lips to help them go down anyway, just in case.' and then they would blink and tell her how pretty she looked and how pleased HE would be. At first it just felt as being taken care of, again. Feel like there is someone who cares about her.

It felt like having her family back. Her mum and sister and dad before that bad man had raped her sister and she committed suicide, followed closely by her mum. After that her dad still took care of her but it was never the same. He would go out and come back a bit drunk and just go straight to bed and cry for hours. And when he was not at work or drinking he would go through some weird papers and say things like "I'll get back to you, you must have a sister, a cousin, a girlfriend somewhere"... And when she asked what he was talking about he'd just say something about justice and send her back to bed with a soft kiss. And the day he came back with really dirty clothes and a little pendant in his hands, which he sent to somebody the next day, he said that justice was done. And then he just disappeared a few days after that, leaving her on her own.

And that man came into her life, but his cuddles, which had started similar to her dad's suddenly, became different as her body changed and she became more than prepared for "the job", as they would put it. Her feelings for him changed as well, she felt desired and loved and she did anything he asked her to without a thought. She was afraid of losing everything again. Even though she knew she was not the only one she would not mind as long as she was the special one. But as she became more and more obsessive about him, he got tired of her and after one remarkably short time of pleasure in bed, he kissed her briefly and offered a cup of whine to her lips... Her eyes opened terrified at the touch of the liquid but there was nothing she could do and she knew it. She just looked at him desperately, fear clear in her chocolate brown eyes, and a minute afterwards, without even shutting her eyes, he just disposed of her corpse at the sea.

As Edward found out the missing parts of the information he became more and more obsessed and afraid about finding out the consequences of his actions. Some of the people he had saved were still grateful for the miracle that took the life of those who abused them. Others would be indifferent to the disappearance of their suitors and would just find another way to make their own life miserable. And some, as much as Edward did not even like to imagine... Had become worse than the ones they had been saved from... And as he traced his victims back, unconsciously he also made his way back to the starting point of his journey.

The house he once called home now felt different... He didn't feel like he deserved the very sight of the place... Just as a sinner coming back to the church he had once tainted, Edward felt lost. At the same time he wished nothing more than go up the small hill that separated the river from the people he loved the most he felt that he didn't deserve them. Even though he knew by both their thoughts and their personalities, they would take him back without a thought, he felt like he couldnt impose himself on them after all he had done..

"I'm sorry... It's just that I miss him so much... " Esme's words reached his ears as he emerged from the river. A quick peek into her thoughts showed him that they had had one of their rare moments of misunderstandings. Without thinking much Edward could see the reason. Carlisle seemed to be reluctant for no more than seconds about taking the piano with them to their next location. He thought it would have been just easier to get a new one if their son returned home. But he had dismissed the idea as soon as he had put it into words when he realized how upset Esme got about it. Now they seemed to have reached an agreement and the piano was going with them to their next house. It would just arrive a couple of months later due to the longer trip their less urgent possessions were going through. (Even though Carlisle had more than enough money to send everything via the quickest available ways he preferred not to have too much stuff delivered to the house in the first months, when neighbors are still way too interested in the newcomers' lives). Edward could see both minds having second thoughts about it since they just could not imagine how they would welcome him back without a piano in the house in case he were to return before the shipment reached its destination.

Edward smiled sadly... Yes, that's my parents for you… Their hopeless son is the only thing that could get them arguing with each other. Feeling even worse about the whole situation, Edward was about to submerge again when he suddenly heard a new voice. And close as it seemed to be, he could only have been too distracted by his parents interaction to not have noticed before. His muscles became tense as the smell of fresh human blood invaded his dead system. He stopped breathing quicker than he had trusted himself to, given the life he had lived in the past years. His attention then turned to his mother's thoughts. Esme had definitely become stronger to the temptation caused by human blood but the thought of a bleeding human coming to her very doorstep seemed too much even for her.

As it was, it seemed that there was somebody bringing an injured pregnant woman to Carlisle since his house was closer to their little cottage in the outskirts of the city than the central hospital. Carlisle's voice became slightly shaky as he recognized the smell but Esme's thoughts seemed to have already wandered away to the forbidden flavor and her caramel eyes turned to black and before Carlisle could react, she made it to the main entrance of the house just in time to collide with a pair of strong arms and a soft voice that brought her straight back to reality. "Please" was all Edward had to murmur before her eyes went golden again and the urge to drink from the pregnant woman seemed like as foolish as wishing to go to a posh restaurant. Her throat was still burning but she didn't find the strength to try to free herself from the arms she had missed so much in the past years. Esme blinked as if it were the craziest of her dreams even though she knew she was not able to sleep anymore.

"Edward...?" Carlisle found his voice first as he came down the stairs just seconds after his mate. Edward automatically lowered his eyes as his father came closer to them. "Please look at me Edward" Carlisle asked in his mind and Edward spoke in an almost inaudible whisper, without letting go of his mother. "They are close, the woman is gonna die if you do not tend to her... She's fallen down the stairs and it was closer to come here then to the hospital" he explained quietly. Sudden understanding washed through Carlisle's features and he let go of an unnecessary breath. For the first time in his life Carlisle felt bad about having to attend to his duties as a doctor.

"Will you be here when I come back?" he asked in his mind, with an uncharacteristic tone of command that made the sentence sound more like an order than a question. Edward just looked down once more and tightened his grip around Esme as Carlisle opened the door Edward had closed behind him in an attempt to prevent the wind from bringing more of the exhilarating human scent. Esme tensed slightly as the breeze brushed her face but she had her mind too busy absorbing Edward's return and did not fight out of his grip to get to the object of her desire, she just deepened her face in his chest instead, trying to make sure he was still there, that their son was back home.

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_thanks for the reviews I got so far =) Trying to improve already.. =)_


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